Surviving Grad School 101: A User's Manual

For all of you out there who are contemplating continuing your education I thought I would give you a few tips that I have picked up in the last 8 months. Here they are:

• Just go ahead and invest in Coca~Cola now. The amount of diet Coke that I have consumed must be measured in gallons, not ounces.
• Do not, under any circumstances, invest in chocolate. If you do, your weight will roughly equal that of a small hippopotamus.
• Create a Pandora account and buy some of those headphones that make you look like you are the commander in chief of the Space Shuttle from Houston. In this way, when your five children are screaming, hitting one another with Nerf swords and asking if they can use your computer for "Backyard MonsterVilleMafia" you are blissfully oblivious, envisioning yourself on the front row of U2's Rattle and Hum Tour.
  
• Forget about any sort of regular sleep schedule. While it was somewhat amusing to pull all-nighters prior to a test while I was in my twenties, somehow it has lost its allure. (Perhaps because Jalynn isn't there with Peanut M&Ms.)
• Take all of the novels that you have wanted to read and hide them, give them to friends or donate them to charity. This reduces the moments of longing when you cruise past the bookshelf.
• You might be tempted to stop attending the gym. Let me warn you: DO NOT DO THIS. After six months, 5 lbs and a two-hour-crying-hysterically-sobbing-"I-just-c-c-c-can't-d-d-do-this!-I'm-g-g-going-t-t-to-fail!"-fest (insert throwing oneself onto the counter top dramatically here), you will realize that it is just easier to run/walk/swim for an hour, three times a week.
  
• Come to peace with having a cluttered house. The backpacks on the floor? Accept them! Fourteen loads of dirty laundry, trickling out into the hall? Embrace it! Floors that are mopped semi-annually? Celebrate it!
• Surround yourself with wonderful friends who tell you in passing, "Mary, I've been worried about you. I've been praying for you."
• And lastly, have a fantastic husband, who when confronted with a semi-psychotic spouse, backpacks, sentient laundry and crunchy floors, takes it all in stride, hugs you and tells you that you are fantastic, rolls up his sleeves and whips through the laundry, pulls out the vacuum, fixes nutritious dinners for all and corrals the children and makes them behave.

If you follow the steps above, it is a sure thing that you will succeed!!!