The War Zone or Another Day in Paradise
I recently read a friend's blog and she listed a rotten thing that she and her brother had done as children, and then went on to list how the hex her mother had set on her was working. (As in: "I hope you have children just like you!" Incidentally, I have already hexed all 5 of my children. Even the baby. I am grinning wickedly as I contemplate them and their future offspring.)
Many of you may not believe this, but I was an angelic child. You may even ask my mother. However, when I was not quite 4 years old, we moved into a new house. My new room was beautiful. It was big, had Holly Hobby bedspreads and new white furniture. And yellow carpet. I distinctly remember that I was going to paint my nails fire engine red. What a fabulous idea! I also remember with dread looking down at the large oil-like spill of nail polish running through the light carpet. As my mom would point out at this juncture, in the doorway of the room no less. I remember my mom yelling at me and threatening my mortal existence. I do NOT remember the spanking. She says that she spanked me within an inch of my life, but I have blocked that out.
Now I shall tell you about the curse. My children have payed me back tenfold. Let me just say: Seth. I love that kid more than life, but I have never met anyone that can destroy so quickly and thoroughly.
We moved into our house in December of 2004. By January '05 many of the rooms looked like the Gestapo had stopped in to visit. To this day we call the room that all three boys shared for 2 1/2 years the Crack House. So, here I go. I'll just start with Seth's offenses, as they are the most entertaining.
*He dumped 2 bottles of nail polish on the tile floor in the new bathroom. Cotton Candy and You-Rock-apulco-Red. (I flashed back to the yellow carpet...a nasty trip.)
*He pulled Liesel's closet door off, it fell, hit the wall leaving a large gash and a hole. Then it crashed to the floor, pushing the knob through the door entirely... the door was toast. This was the day we were moving in.
*Same closet door..propped up against the tool chests in the garage. Seth needs a "tool". He pulls open the drawer and the door careens into..my van. The 4 inch long 1/2 inch deep dent tells the tale.
*Black Sharpie fine point magic marker. I shudder when I recall. He colored on the desk, the computer keyboard, the hardwood floor, the window frame and the french doors. He even drew a self portrait on the floor just as you entered the office. This was day 5 in the new house. I kid you not. I let out a Jamie Lee Curtis-Halloween like scream. It went on for 30 seconds. Seth started to cry. Jeremy was looking for a weapon when he came in the office and saw the carnage.
This is a picture of Seth around the time that he was at his most destructive. I believe that is Liesel's makeup or lip gloss. I don't know, it's hard to keep track of it all.
Well, just thinking about all of this has worn me out. I will have to detail my other kids misdeeds another day. Oh, well, Logan did color his entire wall on the inside of his bunk bed. Wall to wall pencil. When I asked if he had done it he looked me straight in the face and said, "Yes." Then I asked him why he would do such a thing. He looked at me as if I were daft and said, "Well, there was nothing there."
And so, the curse works. Put one on your kids today.
Many of you may not believe this, but I was an angelic child. You may even ask my mother. However, when I was not quite 4 years old, we moved into a new house. My new room was beautiful. It was big, had Holly Hobby bedspreads and new white furniture. And yellow carpet. I distinctly remember that I was going to paint my nails fire engine red. What a fabulous idea! I also remember with dread looking down at the large oil-like spill of nail polish running through the light carpet. As my mom would point out at this juncture, in the doorway of the room no less. I remember my mom yelling at me and threatening my mortal existence. I do NOT remember the spanking. She says that she spanked me within an inch of my life, but I have blocked that out.
Now I shall tell you about the curse. My children have payed me back tenfold. Let me just say: Seth. I love that kid more than life, but I have never met anyone that can destroy so quickly and thoroughly.
We moved into our house in December of 2004. By January '05 many of the rooms looked like the Gestapo had stopped in to visit. To this day we call the room that all three boys shared for 2 1/2 years the Crack House. So, here I go. I'll just start with Seth's offenses, as they are the most entertaining.
*He dumped 2 bottles of nail polish on the tile floor in the new bathroom. Cotton Candy and You-Rock-apulco-Red. (I flashed back to the yellow carpet...a nasty trip.)
*He pulled Liesel's closet door off, it fell, hit the wall leaving a large gash and a hole. Then it crashed to the floor, pushing the knob through the door entirely... the door was toast. This was the day we were moving in.
*Same closet door..propped up against the tool chests in the garage. Seth needs a "tool". He pulls open the drawer and the door careens into..my van. The 4 inch long 1/2 inch deep dent tells the tale.
*Black Sharpie fine point magic marker. I shudder when I recall. He colored on the desk, the computer keyboard, the hardwood floor, the window frame and the french doors. He even drew a self portrait on the floor just as you entered the office. This was day 5 in the new house. I kid you not. I let out a Jamie Lee Curtis-Halloween like scream. It went on for 30 seconds. Seth started to cry. Jeremy was looking for a weapon when he came in the office and saw the carnage.
This is a picture of Seth around the time that he was at his most destructive. I believe that is Liesel's makeup or lip gloss. I don't know, it's hard to keep track of it all.
Well, just thinking about all of this has worn me out. I will have to detail my other kids misdeeds another day. Oh, well, Logan did color his entire wall on the inside of his bunk bed. Wall to wall pencil. When I asked if he had done it he looked me straight in the face and said, "Yes." Then I asked him why he would do such a thing. He looked at me as if I were daft and said, "Well, there was nothing there."
And so, the curse works. Put one on your kids today.
Seriously no decoration on the wall next to the bed?! You have failed him as a mother. Of course he has every right, liberty, I dare say duty to take matters into his own hands and put his decorative stamp on the clean slate of his bedroom wall. So what if he doesn't have the best taste; shown by his choice of lead markings, but then again art IS in the eye of the beholder........
ReplyDelete"Crack House" your wit amazes me!!! What a FUNNY post!
Brynn, you flatter me. Seriously, to have true empathy, everyone needs a Seth/Logan combo. They kill me! I love that they look at me as if I am crazy when I dare suggest they behave.
ReplyDeleteYou have got to be kidding --"Everyone needs a Seth/Logan combo"???? I wouldn't live thru it! This post cracked me up! I sat and laughed and laughed! And Brynn - I just love your comments -makes me miss you BOTH so much!
ReplyDelete